Hello, my name is Amy and I walk into walls. Daily.

Don’t be alarmed, I’m mostly harmless and incredibly fabulous. Being an oaf does not have to hold you back from being amazing and sexy. In fact, there are many men who find awkward clumsy women quite alluring. We provide hours of entertainment, even with our clothes on.

Here is your guide to being fabulous if you too are an awkward klutz:

Let Go

Let go of these things called dignity and grace. You have no need to retain these attributes. It will only inhibit your awesomosity. When you are constantly breaking things by merely being near them it will tend to diminish your sense of graceful dignity on a daily basis. So it’s best to just check this shit at the door.

Forget Regret

There is no regret in the world of the fabulous idiot. Regret does no one any good. Yesterday is gone and cannot be changed. Tomorrow hasn’t happened yet, therefore doesn’t’ exist. There is no sense in living in any other place than the present. Each bruise is a symbol of living in the moment, awkward Zen.

Own it

Let your dumbass shine. Get out there on that dance floor and run into the support beams like a champion. Step on toes, and keep on dancing. And when the pictures show up on facebook say, “That’s right, I’m a fabulous dancing fool.”

Follow your bliss

Playing the fool is a glorious state of never-ending wonder. You have no idea how many ways there are to break your big toe until it’s practically impossible to wear fashionable shoes.

Know your strength

Know the strength that you’ve amassed. The infinite universe shows itself every day in situations that would make other, more graceful people run screaming. You have built an armor of strength from every misstep and bungle. You know how to fall and rise again. There is power in getting back up.

Intuition

Get in touch with your klutz’s intuition. I know that every time I make a complete ass of myself in front of someone, that someone is important. That someday my shame will be a beacon of light for that person. This is how I make friends.

Break the ice

Somewhere down the line that first impression of you walking into a closed glass door will break the ice and help put others at ease in your presence. They will know that you are not afraid to be yourself wholly and completely. It earns respect and also a nice bubble of personal space. Mostly because they don’t want to go tumbling down the stairs with you if they are standing too close.

Most of all, be you.

That is what makes you fabulous in spite of all of the broken things in your wake. Even if you think no one else does, I love you just the way you are.